For Never and For No Way
by when the night grows old
Summary: Blaine wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and die. He liked Kurt, but not in that way. He wished he could force himself to see Kurt in a different light, make himself fall in love with Kurt. But Blaine Anderson was never that lucky. AU. Klaine


**A/N: hiya, so remember when I told you guys that I was probably going to write something mean and angsty? Well, here it is. **

**(also, remember when I told you I'd never write a fic where kurt and blaine **_**weren't **_**together? Yeah…oops.)**

"I thought the guy you were going to ask out on Valentine's Day…was me." Kurt paused. He was basically admitting his feelings for Blaine, to Blaine. It was a big deal.

"Wow, I really _am_ clueless." Blaine said after a moment, though he didn't meet Kurt's eyes at first. "Look, let me be really clear about something," Kurt's eyes widened and he nodded tersely. "I really, _really_ care about you. And I don't want to screw this up." Blaine stopped. "Our friendship, I mean. Our friendship means too much to me. I'm flattered, but, I can't—you—no, I'm sorry." Blaine turned away from Kurt facing towards the till.

Blaine wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and _die._ He liked Kurt, he really did, but not in that way. He wished he could force himself to see Kurt in a different light, make himself fall in love with Kurt. But Blaine Anderson was never that lucky.

The one thing that hurt worst was Kurt's non-verbal reply. He nodded, simply nodded. It drove Blaine crazy. Kurt had just professed that he had feelings for his best friend, feelings in which his best friend didn't reciprocate. And all he could do was nod.

"I-I've gotta go, Kurt. I'm-I'm so—" Kurt turned to Blaine with glassy eyes and cut him off.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Kurt was holding together pretty well, and Blaine silently thanked him for that. He didn't know what he would do if Kurt started crying in front of him. "I love you." The words left Kurt's lips and Blaine felt his heart shatter. Kurt loved him, and he had the indecency to flat out turn him down. Blaine felt like a horrible person. Blaine _was_ a horrible person, or at least he'd convinced himself he was.

"K-Kurt, please, d-don't." Blaine hung his head. Was he crying? It felt like he was crying, or like he was about to. His chest swelled up, his eyes started burning and his breathing hitched audibly.

"I don't need you to love me back, I just need you to know," Kurt reached out for Blaine's hand, and Blaine squeezed back. He hoped it conveyed the emotion of how shitty he felt about this, how he loved Kurt, but in a different way. He hoped Kurt could feel everything Blaine felt right now, he'd hoped Kurt could understand. "I guess this is it, then." _No. No. No, no, no_. This couldn't be goodbye. Blaine didn't want it to be goodbye.

"Why? K-Kurt you can't be serious?" Blaine was flustered and upset. He didn't want to lose Kurt. "I don't want to lose you." Blaine felt himself getting emotional again. Losing Kurt wasn't what he wanted from this, no. He wanted Kurt to understand that this didn't mean anything. He wanted to go back to being best friends.

"You'll never lose me, I'll always be here, in some shape or form," Kurt let his eyes rim with tears. "You'll just have to look for me a little harder." _This really is goodbye_. Blaine wanted to scream till his lungs gave out. This couldn't be happening, Blaine couldn't let this happen.

"But I love you, I do. Maybe-maybe I just need—maybe I need some time, just give me some time and-and maybe we can—" Kurt pressed his index finger to Blaine's lips, two narrow tear tracks on his cheeks.

"You don't love me, you never will. For never and no way," Kurt lowered his finger as two more tears trailed down his cheeks. "Don't make this harder on yourself than it needs to be," Kurt paused as a sob wracked his thin frame. "I think you always knew it would end like this," Kurt let go of Blaine's hand and stepped away from him. "Goodbye, Blaine."

Before Blaine could say anything, Kurt was gone. Blaine couldn't be here anymore; this place, this town, this life. It was all too much. He'd just lost his best friend because he was stupid, because he was selfish, because he couldn't express his feelings right. So he left.

Blaine ran to his car. He sat in the driver's seat and attempted to put the keys in the ignition. The keys fumbled in his fingers and dropped to the floor. Blaine began to cry, sob after aching heartbreaking sob. Blaine was so angry with himself. He slammed his fists onto the steering wheel in exasperation. Why could he do nothing right?

When Blaine finally gathered himself, he started his car and drove away. He wondered if he'd ever be able to look at Kurt in Warbler's practice ever again.

It was Monday, and practice was just getting started. Everyone was filing into the common room, and Blaine felt himself searching for a familiar face. He needed to know that the other day at the Lima Bean wasn't really goodbye, not forever. More like a see you later, type thing.

"You're not gonna find him." Wes placed his hand on Blaine's shoulder, prompting Blaine to turn and face him.

"W-what?" Blaine was confused. Did everyone know he was waiting for Kurt? It would appear so, seeing as everyone else had already taken their seats, he and Wes were the only two standing. All eyes were on them. "What are you talking about?" Blaine asked again.

"He transferred back, Blaine." David said, not moving from his seat the council table. It was as if everyone averted their eyes when they heard a poorly muffled sob from Blaine.

Did Kurt tell everyone how he felt? Had Kurt told everyone what he'd done? Or, did everyone already know…?

"I'm sorry," Wes said softly. Blaine couldn't move, he didn't even turn away from the faces of his peers as tears began to trickle down his cheeks. "You should, you should go rest. We're just doing some song choices today, you won't miss much. We'll fill you in later, okay?" Blaine only nodded, he wasn't really listening.

As soon as Wes' hand was removed from his shoulder, Blaine turned to go. No one knew, but that was the last time any of the Warbler's or Dalton academy would see Blaine Anderson.

Blaine was twenty-three now, six years since his biggest regret. Soon after Kurt's departure from Dalton, Blaine had first thought to run after Kurt, to make him understand. But he didn't. Kurt had feelings for him that Blaine couldn't reciprocate, and it must've hurt Kurt too much to be around him now. So Blaine set him free.

Though it had been years since he'd sung, or heard Kurt's name, or even spoken to any of his old friends, Blaine still had memories of them fresh in his mind. It was something that Blaine couldn't, and wouldn't, let go of so easily.

Blaine found himself meandering pointlessly through central park, something he did often whenever he had time off from work. It was a chilly night in the middle of November. Blaine looked around himself. It was odd, seeing central park with no one in it. Blaine felt a warm set of arms wrap around his torso from behind. Blaine gasped audibly.

"It's just me, silly." The man Blaine had come to call his boyfriend—no, _fiancée—_spoke before pressing a soft kiss to Blaine's neck.

"Oh." Blaine's words were barely above a whisper.

"What's wrong? You always seem to wander around here at night. What are you looking for?" _What are you looking for?_ Blaine didn't know. Was he really looking for anything? Blaine had always thought these frequent, but irregular trips to central park were the product of insomnia and the longing for room to breath away from his cramped downtown apartment.

"Just thinking." And that's when he saw it.

Up in the trees, on one of the lower branches, was perched a little yellow canary; a warbler. Blaine stopped in his tracks, making his fiancée ask "What's up?" to which Blaine didn't answer. He stared.

For a moment, it was silent. Blaine waited with bated breath for the bird to start singing. But it never did. The bird seemed to turn it's little body to face Blaine, and Blaine could swear the bird was looking right at him.

"_Pavarotti_." Blaine whispered. He waited for the bird to fly away, or chirp, or something. But the bird didn't move. The bird simply watched Blaine as he watched the bird. Blaine felt a wave of nostalgia as words from long ago rung in his mind "_You'll never lose me, I'll always be here, in some shape or form._"

Blaine swallowed back some tears and a sob. He still loves Kurt, but not the way Kurt loved him, or as Kurt had put it, "_For never and for no way._"

Kurt blinked his eyes furiously. His heart was beating outrageously fast and his breathing was coming out in spurts.

"What's wrong?" Kurt felt a warm kiss press to the back of his neck, only sending shivers down his spine. He felt the man's arms tighten around his naked torso.

"Oh, I had the _worst_ dream ever." Kurt replied, barely holding back tears. He knew it was just a dream, but it felt so _real_; like he was actually there, like it had actually happened, as crazy as it seemed now.

"Tell me about it, I hear sometimes that helps." So Kurt rolled over to face him, and he told Blaine about his horrible dream, starting with the beginning.

"I _thought the guy you were going to ask out on Valentine's Day…was me._"

**A/N: sgaiorwehgoaiwhgpoasjdg;a/ I'm actually really angry with myself.**

**I wanted to write this angsty ass mother fucker, but instead I gave it a happy ending because that's my weakness ;_; ugh, whatever. Now that I've got this out of my system, I'll finish writing that new chapter for r & r, probably later tonight/tomorrow. Thanks for reading, reviews are love 3**


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